The difference between a ‘friendly friend’ and a ‘real friend’ is more clear in my mind than ever before now. The understanding that the manner in which friendship is perceived today is very different than what I had in mind. Today being Friendly is Friendship.

It took a while, but I finally made a choice. That choice was acceptance.

Acceptance that I cannot control everything, I cannot be friends with people as I want, I cannot expect everyone to behave the way I like – rather I need not require everyone to be Friends, at times Friendly is enough.

This changed somewhere mid way, so did this. Dunno where I am today, but I shall be back!

]]> http://annkur.com/2010/04/i-made-a-choice/feed/ 7 http://annkur.com/2010/02/face-to-face-conversations/ http://annkur.com/2010/02/face-to-face-conversations/#comments Sun, 14 Feb 2010 09:30:51 +0000 Annkur http://annkur.com/?p=783 //incomplete

An email titled: Study Shows High ROI on Face-to-Face Meetings

While this was some newsletter sent to marketing / sales junta & I don’t even need to open the thing and read it.  The idea is pretty clear: no matter how much you rely on IM, FB, Twitter – fact remains that nothing replaces Face to Face conversations. And I strongly seek that value in any relationship. I have attempted hard at times to keep up with my contacts and as far as possible I would race the bike to meet up in person. Again that has some relevance with the Friend Matrix (sorry, a lot of things for me revolve around that, in a sublime manner though); though I fear I won’t be able to describe very effectively but here is an attempt.

Anyways, when I asked Are we friends? the keyword stressed was TRUST. Making yourself available for a face 2 face meeting in many ways comes under that. (If I am avoiding a meet, that certainly means lack of trust!)…

Update: Comments on this piece on Facebook… really takes the discussion forward

]]> http://annkur.com/2010/02/face-to-face-conversations/feed/ 1 http://annkur.com/2009/12/are-we-friends/ http://annkur.com/2009/12/are-we-friends/#comments Sat, 19 Dec 2009 18:34:44 +0000 Annkur http://annkur.com/?p=763 Are we friends? This is something I ask people, directly or indirectly and more often than not I take answers without they having to say Yes or No. The friend matrix that I gave earlier is something that will give a larger view of how things work, but here is something very basic:

“Friendship demands trust. For me trust is the respect that a friend gives me, I value that and I like to give the same in return. For any reason (and generally many) If I fail to see that respect for me and/or I feel I cant give that respect to you, we shall seize to be friends!”

Also read Darshan Chande’s views on friendship. I quite like and agree with what he says. 1) What is friendship? 2) Is friendship driven by purpose

• Human brain is an unique bastard. It silences its conscience for all the sins, but holds the other person accountable for what they did, planned to do, what they could do and even what they never did

• I striked out the the word impossible from my dictionary. Subsequently the words easy and shortcut were also lost…

• Friendship is not built with a deck of cards with lie written all over it

• Be more concerned with your conscience than your character, Coz character is built only after you answer your conscience. What matters is what you think of yourself

And the older ones that I have published before:

• Life is a ‘tug of war’ between truth and facts. Your Fact is your truth and my fact is my truth Now when facts differ. truth differs and that’s where the mother of all problems arises !! But what prevails is the actual Truth and Fact (that everyone sees in a different light )…

• Human brain is the most outstanding thing, actually its the most dreadful criminal in itself. It makes you do things based on your perceptions and acts on the reflexes of past, yet it helps you convince yourself that you are fresh every morning, sacred and free from all that has happened in the past !!

• Entrepreneurs are the riders of Storm who venture out into troubled waters to bring glory to their land!

Source: Some speaker at Prerna 2005, Raheja College

A guest post for Annkur Ji. Hope he bears with this vexatious writing.

We all live, act and take decisions as per our discretion. The righteous listen to their conscience, the evil look in for their benefits. But sometimes and maybe always, we are bound to take decisions irrespective of how these  will effect people, friends and even us.

It is best to listen to our conscience when we get into these tricky situations. Whom to choose, the good or the right. The good will expect us to go wrong (either professionally or personally), just to become infinitely good and lovable. The right will get us all the condemnation from everybody involved. It becomes difficult to stand up alone being the right.

But the question is: How to discern what is being right?

The most difficult task is to strongly believe that our decision is right irrespective of all the ups and downs. A lot of times, we keep getting confused, trying to change and mend the situations around. Although not perfect, but there is a small solution. Sit and think, for as long as you can, debating with yourself about everything involved. Think putting yourself in others shoes. Think why somebody is acting in a particular manner. And then take your decision. A well thought decision taken from your conscience will never be wrong.

It is not necessary to be righteous, or rather thinking that everybody should think of you as the right. Support of the masses, is never possible even for the best of leaders. Forgetting family, friends and loved ones and their feelings during the process of decision making is the worst phase. But people around are not for always. In our whole life, we keep meeting people, keep losing people. The only omniscient factor throughout is our conscience.

So be right to your self. Do what you think is good. If confused, give it a good thought sitting in silence. Take a decision and pursue it with your might.

(This is a guest post by Anonymous, hope anonymous would interact with you below in comments)

How to trust people? They say something, and do the opposite. They manipulate, cheat, double cross … all of it just for some silly sick quick gains? Pleasure? Entertainment!? Hell – stop fooling yourself ppl. Sadly many of these never get a wakeup call and I have seen so many live within the illusion of happiness they created for themselves. Second handers as I call them!

Not many would see the trend of this thinking – but I would list here how it has evolved inside me:

Below are the words of Mike from TechCrunch…

I believe that it has changed me as a person to the point where I generally don’t trust people until they’ve earned it. Before TechCrunch I assumed most people were essentially good, and assumed that an individual was trustworthy until proven otherwise. Today, its exactly the opposite. [TC]

In similar emotions I wrote about the Values that I followed back in June last year

I have seen a whole min-cycle of events around this thought of trust and friendships. And believe me people don’t know what they want. Most that I know are stuck within themselves. None of them bold enough to go ahead and actually throw out the bad from their life, instead they are poised to adopt it. In a bid to do so I feel the Friends Matrix was formed within me – to throw out the unwanted i.e. the second handers and remain effective. Still evolving….

Debatable: Is it good to throw out friends whom you shared so much with? IMO Yes… No point dragging them just for the sake of the time/thoughts shared. Something that makes me work for Nischay with a lot of heart is the number of unselfish and kind hearted people I meet there.

So what really makes me say all this here? Go back and remember how I did things? Its TRUST. A failure to trust people, that comes with so many arrows on my back.

A while back I sat down to analyze what really is this Attitude problem. And I have a answer to it today: When you Trust someone you expect a lot of it in return aswell. If you don’t see that coming your way … you develop this wall of unanswered questions, concealing your depression, complaints and sorrows. That’s attitude problem.

Here is what sparked off this post – TRUST

Anyways … Keep walking

Orkut has been nominated against ‘Abhishek Bacchan, Multimedia Cell Phone, Rang De Basanti and You’ in the MTV and Pepsi Youth Icon 2007. Orkut has 6.6 Million (66 lakh) Indian subscribers. This consists huge amount of youngsters.

There are more than a million communities on Orkut on absolutely everything from pizza to pasta from Film star to superstar, from your pet to your teacher. People freely express their opinions and views here. Internet has always been a medium carrying free information and thats exactly where the trouble starts for Orkut.

This time the king of Social networking has ran into trouble with the student wing of the Shiv Sena party. The group opposes to what they see as increasing mimicry of the West. It protests against Valentine’s Day celebrations, attacks clubs and pubs, and prevents screening of sexually bold films.

The student wing of the Shiv Sena party said many Indians use Orkut to bad-mouth religious groups and disturb communal harmony, and also to spread misinformation about India. Back in March it was announced that Orkut has agreed to provide Mumbai Police details of the IP address from which an objectionable message or blog has been posted on the site and the Internet service provider involved.

Internet no doubt is a great tool and a innovation like we have never seen before. But with great power comes great responsibility, its upto us to use the internet wisely and make productive use of it. Yes we are free to express our opinions but at the same time we need to see and understand the bigger picture.

Young minds are known to be rebels. And the more you suppress them the more they will come up. With caution and care we need to explain to them whats right and whats wrong. We just cant tell them not to surf Orkut because a few handful communities have a anti-India stand. We should stand strong and show faith in our youngsters such that we are unaffected and undivided against all attempts to disrupt our harmony.

UPDATE: Orkut is the “MTV Youth Icon 2007″

Here is the result…

Now this didn’t really help me; though blogging nonstop for almost 2 years now has some effect on me. So I went up to the BIG G again to get some more answers…

This took me to Yahoo Answers and what made some sense to me was this (though this was not the best answer according to Yahoo…)

well basically if any one’s ever called you a ***** than you need to check yourself, i believe that when someone has an attitude problem usually the person who has it also has a problem with trusting others and actually paying close attention to what they’re trying to say, people get offended if they think you dont care and are not paying close attention to them it’s a big nice metaphorical slap in the face.

As I see, Its about the the coin. You are on one side and untill you flip it and see your other side, you consider yourself normal! Knowing that something is wrong is probably the first step to correct it…

Right from childhood you are taught how to do things, where did you invent something? You only did what you were taught, at most you copied what someone made or may be made some changes to it and claimed it as yours. Thinking that you are an exception just as you read this? Sorry but you might be wrong…

Right from the language you speak to the clothes you wear; you have seen others do it and you do it. So if you wrote a brillant essay (like ‘The world without friction‘) you still used those same words that everyone around you used. You just put them in an order and claimed it as yours. Think that you made a piece of art (like the boat of humanity?); sorry but you have seen a ship, heard of terrorists, heard of humans – You just put them together; whats original in it?

What I am trying to imply over here is that you really need not be a highly artistic or scholar to be Creative. In simple words Creativty is the OPPOSITE OF ROUTINE. Stop following what others say … Do what you like!

Frankly defining creativity is a very subjective thing and I am not going to do any significant research in finding out what second-handers think Creativity is. Creativity is to Create. For me this means to do something that you feel is right, to make something that you can visualise and to do something on your OWN! To put it simple …

Credits to KD (Dadi) for this brillant image and thought!