Are we friends? This is something I ask people, directly or indirectly and more often than not I take answers without they having to say Yes or No. The friend matrix that I gave earlier is something that will give a larger view of how things work, but here is something very basic:
“Friendship demands trust. For me trust is the respect that a friend gives me, I value that and I like to give the same in return. For any reason (and generally many) If I fail to see that respect for me and/or I feel I cant give that respect to you, we shall seize to be friends!”
Also read Darshan Chande’s views on friendship. I quite like and agree with what he says. 1) What is friendship? 2) Is friendship driven by purpose
“if i fail to see the respect for me, we shall seize to be friends. if i feel i can’t give the respect to you, i will still make all efforts to be your friend.”
there is no need or purpose to be a friend, just respect for the person that drives this relationship. it is not for days, months or years but a lifetime. but the bottomline is always respect.
D, for how long will you make that effort?
Perhaps what I am writing is due to incidents that I dont want to write about in specific and mayb m not able to take a general view. Way too disturbed to think in detail on this. Will rethink, perhaps I will do better thinking on this with some help. How about catching up in person to discuss this? 🙂
Anon said,
there is no need or purpose to be a friend, just respect for the person that drives this relationship.
But the respect only comes if some purpose or need (hidden or otherwise) is being fulfilled. Respect doesn’t come just like that. Else it should come for everyone… Even for a stranger walking on the street..!! So, the statement is flawed.
friendship starts with a need. i call it “we got stuck together by circumstances”. but after sometime, when your need is not the priority (when your friend moves to another city), it is totally your decision whether to continue the friendship or just let people go.
thats the time when we actually decide and make friends. some people forget you, some remain always friends. it takes a lot of effort to keep in touch and be friends. then it is not a need but just a wish to be friends.
the statement was flawed as it was very specific to my individual friends and does not apply to a lot of people in general.
“then it is not a need but just a wish to be friends” – its just the memories bonding you together. Nothing else.
Dear Anon,
I do not mean to discard your thought. But I would like to add something more here. Need is always there. But it’s to be understood that there are types of needs. Some needs are material in nature… While some needs are psychological / spiritual. When your friend moves to another city you still feel like remembering him/her… In that case too need is there. Why on earth otherwise would you remember him? If you observe the phenomenon closely you should see that you remember him because it gives you psychological pleasure because maybe you have spent nice time together. If that was not so, then you would not remember him. Now, when you remember him, you secretly cherish a desire in your heart to keep in touch with him too… But the same may not be the case with him. He may have spent better time with someone else. Or he may be spending better time with someone now… So for him probably there’s no reason to remember you… Or maybe not so strong as to prompt him to communicate with you frequently… In that case how long will you remember him? Trust me, when your psychological / spiritual need is not fulfilled for long you will retreat from it. It all works in a subtle way… You will find someone or something which will occupy more space in your mind than that friend who is now distant… Then the attachment is bound to reduce… Not saying all this is bad… But the sad thing is that we are stubborn and/or afraid of accepting the truth. It sure is inconvenient.
Thanks for your patience. God bless all 🙂